*Are the “5 Stages of Grief” Real?

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: these are the well-known five stages of grief, as postulated by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Since the book’s publication, the five stages of grief have become so well-known it’s now engrained in pop culture.

Despite its popularity, some people may be surprised to find out that Kübler-Ross didn’t create the stages to indicate a linear progression of grief, but rather to describe the process of the patients she observed. Before her death in 2004, Kübler-Ross noted in her book On Grief and Grieving that the five stages were not meant to be a linear and predictable progression of grief, and that she regretted that the stages had been misinterpreted.

Coinciding with Kübler-Ross’ own remarks on the five stages, there appears to be no evidence that people go through any or all of these stages, or in any particular order. As unique as is each individual and their relationships, so too is their experience with the grieving process.

Since mourning the loss of a loved one can be such a devastating experience, many who grieve yearn for a checklist, a time to look forward to when the sadness and grief will end. However, much like our own personal growth, we are never really “done” or “get over” the loss .

As we deal with life as it continues, hand in hand with the experience of mourning a loved one, we find a “new normal” – a new way to be in the world without that person in our lives, allowing the sorrow of grief to morph into a bittersweet gratitude: Still sad that we lost our loved one, but grateful for the gift of having shared our life and time with them.

I am a certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist. If you are struggling with grief and need support and guidance, please contact me, and let’s set up a time to talk.

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